Monday, March 10, 2014

Short Update

Oh hello, it has been a great while since I have last posted here.
I just wanted you all (if anyone is even reading this anymore, lol) to know that I have not given up on my health goals and journey. Things have changed dramatically though and my approach is different. In case you didn't know, I was diagnosed with PCOS last September and have been doing things that you can read about here ever since.

I won't update you on all of that because it is tiring and redundant.. but what I will tell you is that I feel much better now than I did. Knowing why I was gaining weight is comforting, even though it is still frustrating! :) I have tried hard to incorporate more exercise into my routine and I am learning about foods that help with insulin resistance. There is a whole lot of health jazz I could go into, but I will spare you and just tell you to go read my PCOS blog. (I'm nice that way... haha.)

As far as weight goes, I haven't lost any but losing pounds is no longer my goal. It is way too frustrating to track that. Instead I am paying more attention to how I feel as far as energy and attitude and how I am improving in my fitness abilities and food habits. I have definitely seen an improvement on my energy as I have incorporated exercise and my PCOS vitamin supplements. Food is continuing to be a struggle, but I do think I have gotten a better handle on my cravings. Some weeks and days are better or worse than others.

Yep, that is pretty much it right now. Sorry it has been so long!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Beauty in the present.

I wish I was as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat.

But really though...

I've been feeling really nostalgic lately. I've been going through some old pictures, and I've discovered something. I was a pretty girl! Back then, I didn't recognize it. I took myself so much for granted and worried about things that I really shouldn't have. I was awesome just the way I was! It got me thinking though. I realized I missed my old self. Why? Is that weird? I think it is because the past few years I have been on a quest to beautify myself and in doing so I have worn myself out and forgotten what makes me so awesome. Which is ironic because I am also chubbier than I ever have been, haha!

Anyways, so I have some beef with the health industry. Or rather the industry that is capitalizing on women's vulnerabilities to the way our society thinks they should look. Seriously, think about all of the products, services, and businesses who are totally capitalizing on it. Every new diet pill that comes out promising to drop the pounds, the millions of diet books, expensive gym memberships, weightloss camps and tv shows, boob jobs, tattooed makeup, spas, (people might gripe about me saying this..) but people like Dr Oz who is always coming out with one more amazing superfood you need to go get, and even some of the more expensive "organic" food you need to buy. 

You need to be thin, no you need curves, but you look better with rock hard abs, and you need huge boobs, but get rid of your butt, no wait it's too flat, your calves look funny and so does your nose, you have too much hair, and you can't show your gray hair, get rid of your stretch marks. Eat eggs, no don't eat eggs. Don't drink milk, wait just drink goat milk or coconut milk. Wheat makes you bloated, and eat low fat foods but you still need good fats. Ok seriously, why does it have to be soooo complicated?!?! No wonder we keep losing and gaining the same 20-30 lbs!!

We have become obsessed. Too many beautiful women a falling prey to conflicting advertising, believing that beauty is just one weightloss pill away. Too many beautiful women are hurting inside because of these high expectations. I have fallen prey to it too. We need to stop. I think we are stressing ourselves out way too much over something that is really actually pretty simple. 

Be active, do things that make you feel good. Have fun and eat your veggies and eat your cake too. More importantly, love who you are right now. Don't take yourself for granted.
and just as a side note, I do not mean to condemn any woman who has done any of the above things and you don't need to feel bad about it. If any of those things makes you happy, then do them and who cares what I or anyone else thinks! :)

Monday, April 1, 2013

Emotional Eating: Empathy

I have been thinking a lot about emotional eating lately, and it is something I really want to work through. So you may see a few posts here and there about it.

I have always felt like maybe I had an emotional eating problem but I didn't know how to put my finger on it. Plus, yes I do love food... and I enjoy eating it at almost anytime of the day. It is part of what is holding me back from seeing weight loss results. What I haven't ever considered is the fact that I am deeply effected (affected? I can't ever remember which is which.. lol) by not just my emotions from internal/external causes that involve me, but also with OTHER peoples emotions that don't involve me. Aka, empathy. I don't want to see other people get their feelings hurt, and so I try to avoid any potential situation that could possibly go wrong. I am taking someone's emotions, and making them MY emotions. Talk about massive emotional roller coaster wreck!!

In my mind, I want everything to be great and wonderful and happy. Everyone should just get along, treat each other kindly, and enjoy the moments we have with each other. But no, life just isn't that way is it? We all have our own opinions and pet peeves and weaknesses and insecurities that when combined cause drama. I realized today that I have learned to isolate myself from people because of that trait. It scares me to be around a potential blow-up session. I feel too much. Therefore it is just easier to just not let my emotions connect with very many people. Especially with people who have strong personalities, strong opinions, and aren't afraid of being strong even at other people's emotions expense. (Which is kind of ironic, because my husband has a pretty strong personality!) If I am not emotionally attached, then I don't have to feel the hurt that they feel. Then on top of that, I have replaced those people with food. Food is good, food is comforting. Food isn't mean, it is nice. Food is my friend. Haha, it sounds super weird to say that..!

I think women tend to be extra sensitive and we all learn to cope with it in different ways. Some like me, tend to isolate myself from too many relationships so that I don't have to feel. Others tend to attract others to them, becoming almost like therapists or counselors. Others shut down and develop strong personalities that only allow other people in on their own schedules and timing. But all of us deep down are rooted with the same character trait of empathy. Interesting! Same goes for men who are extra sensitive.

It is kind of empowering to realize that my empathetic nature is a strength, not a weakness. I always just thought I was extra sensitive and even weak for being that way. I have turned a positive trait, one that should be used to build others up into a weakness and a burden.

In the book called "Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much," Colette Brown-Reid notes that some of the most obese people in our country are those who care: Nurses, church volunteers, teachers, full-time mothers and grandmothers, etc. She then says, "Could it be that these women are taking on the weight of their overburdened communities?" I know you've heard the phrase "taking on the weight of the world" before! Then she says this, which I LOVE!

"What if, instead of beating yourself up for being overweight, you appreciated your kindness, sensitivity, compassion and generosity?
What if you made a commitment to show yourself and your body the love you show to others?
What if you came out of isolation and allowed yourself to feel?
What if you stepped back from your emotions and your persistent inner critic, and instead told yourself, You are a treasure. I am so honored to know you, to actually be you."