5 Month Motivational Slump

 I thought I'd go over the last 5 months with you. I feel embarrassed because there isn't much progress. I haven't wanted to post because I didn't want to show too much negativity. But this is reality here, and I want to be real with you. I worked out pretty heavily for about 2 months, and although my endurance improved, it seemed like my body was not even responding. I got frustrated. I was bummed. I didn't want to put in so much time, energy, and effort, just to see no improvement in my physical appearance.

This is from June, I think. I had been going pretty strong for about a month at this point. No weight lost whatsoever. 

This was July I believe. I guess my stomach wasn't poking out quite as far, but it was also a different angle.

This is when I got really frustrated and discouraged. Maybe it was just my outfit, but when I saw myself in the pictures from my vacation, I was so disappointed in my effort. It was like none of it mattered. I was mad at myself for letting myself get this far, and also mad that my body wasn't responding to my sudden increase in physical activity.

This is after the vacation, one of the few times I decided to go to the gym. I tried real hard to just keep going. 

This is the most recent workout I did just a few days ago.

Ok, so I know that is just a tiny peek into what the last couple months have been. It has been a whirlwind. Up and down and all over the place. Even though I told myself I was going to take it slow, I still overworked myself. I still tried to force my body to change by lifting heavy weights and running faster and faster. I slipped into wanting immediate results. I don't know for sure that it is bad to push hard. I guess it works for a lot of people. It even used to work for me. Maybe it is my age? Maybe I just didn't give myself enough time and effort? I'm not sure. But I didn't see what I wanted to see. Then the vacation. Then a lack of motivation. Then school started along with a new schedule. Then stress. Then nothing. 

For too long I have let food control me. I've let emotions control me. I've let people control me. I've let guilt control me. I've let doubt and fear control me. It's time for me to control them. No more of this sad, discouraged, depressed, bullshit story I keep telling myself. I deserve more than that. 

I am not giving up. I am not going to quit, because I need to take care of myself. I deserve to be fit and happy and healthy. I deserve to accomplish my goals. So, here's to the journey of moving forward and not looking back. To act, and not be acted upon. I am not going to let my story end here. I am the one who gets to choose my fate! I get to decide who I decides who I am and who I want to be. *fist pump*