Beauty in the present.

I wish I was as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat.

But really though...

I've been feeling really nostalgic lately. I've been going through some old pictures, and I've discovered something. I was a pretty girl! Back then, I didn't recognize it. I took myself so much for granted and worried about things that I really shouldn't have. I was awesome just the way I was! It got me thinking though. I realized I missed my old self. Why? Is that weird? I think it is because the past few years I have been on a quest to beautify myself and in doing so I have worn myself out and forgotten what makes me so awesome. Which is ironic because I am also chubbier than I ever have been, haha!

Anyways, so I have some beef with the health industry. Or rather the industry that is capitalizing on women's vulnerabilities to the way our society thinks they should look. Seriously, think about all of the products, services, and businesses who are totally capitalizing on it. Every new diet pill that comes out promising to drop the pounds, the millions of diet books, expensive gym memberships, weightloss camps and tv shows, boob jobs, tattooed makeup, spas, (people might gripe about me saying this..) but people like Dr Oz who is always coming out with one more amazing superfood you need to go get, and even some of the more expensive "organic" food you need to buy. 

You need to be thin, no you need curves, but you look better with rock hard abs, and you need huge boobs, but get rid of your butt, no wait it's too flat, your calves look funny and so does your nose, you have too much hair, and you can't show your gray hair, get rid of your stretch marks. Eat eggs, no don't eat eggs. Don't drink milk, wait just drink goat milk or coconut milk. Wheat makes you bloated, and eat low fat foods but you still need good fats. Ok seriously, why does it have to be soooo complicated?!?! No wonder we keep losing and gaining the same 20-30 lbs!!

We have become obsessed. Too many beautiful women a falling prey to conflicting advertising, believing that beauty is just one weightloss pill away. Too many beautiful women are hurting inside because of these high expectations. I have fallen prey to it too. We need to stop. I think we are stressing ourselves out way too much over something that is really actually pretty simple. 

Be active, do things that make you feel good. Have fun and eat your veggies and eat your cake too. More importantly, love who you are right now. Don't take yourself for granted.

 

and just as a side note, I do not mean to condemn any woman who has done any of the above things and you don't need to feel bad about it. If any of those things makes you happy, then do them and who cares what I or anyone else thinks! :)

Emotional Eating: Empathy

I have been thinking a lot about emotional eating lately, and it is something I really want to work through. So you may see a few posts here and there about it.

I have always felt like maybe I had an emotional eating problem but I didn't know how to put my finger on it. Plus, yes I do love food... and I enjoy eating it at almost anytime of the day. It is part of what is holding me back from seeing weight loss results. What I haven't ever considered is the fact that I am deeply effected (affected? I can't ever remember which is which.. lol) by not just my emotions from internal/external causes that involve me, but also with OTHER peoples emotions that don't involve me. Aka, empathy. I don't want to see other people get their feelings hurt, and so I try to avoid any potential situation that could possibly go wrong. I am taking someone's emotions, and making them MY emotions. Talk about massive emotional roller coaster wreck!!

In my mind, I want everything to be great and wonderful and happy. Everyone should just get along, treat each other kindly, and enjoy the moments we have with each other. But no, life just isn't that way is it? We all have our own opinions and pet peeves and weaknesses and insecurities that when combined cause drama. I realized today that I have learned to isolate myself from people because of that trait. It scares me to be around a potential blow-up session. I feel too much. Therefore it is just easier to just not let my emotions connect with very many people. Especially with people who have strong personalities, strong opinions, and aren't afraid of being strong even at other people's emotions expense. (Which is kind of ironic, because my husband has a pretty strong personality!) If I am not emotionally attached, then I don't have to feel the hurt that they feel. Then on top of that, I have replaced those people with food. Food is good, food is comforting. Food isn't mean, it is nice. Food is my friend. Haha, it sounds super weird to say that..!

I think women tend to be extra sensitive and we all learn to cope with it in different ways. Some like me, tend to isolate myself from too many relationships so that I don't have to feel. Others tend to attract others to them, becoming almost like therapists or counselors. Others shut down and develop strong personalities that only allow other people in on their own schedules and timing. But all of us deep down are rooted with the same character trait of empathy. Interesting! Same goes for men who are extra sensitive.

It is kind of empowering to realize that my empathetic nature is a strength, not a weakness. I always just thought I was extra sensitive and even weak for being that way. I have turned a positive trait, one that should be used to build others up into a weakness and a burden.

In the book called "Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much," Colette Brown-Reid notes that some of the most obese people in our country are those who care: Nurses, church volunteers, teachers, full-time mothers and grandmothers, etc. She then says, "Could it be that these women are taking on the weight of their overburdened communities?" I know you've heard the phrase "taking on the weight of the world" before! Then she says this, which I LOVE!

"What if, instead of beating yourself up for being overweight, you appreciated your kindness, sensitivity, compassion and generosity?
What if you made a commitment to show yourself and your body the love you show to others?
What if you came out of isolation and allowed yourself to feel?
What if you stepped back from your emotions and your persistent inner critic, and instead told yourself, You are a treasure. I am so honored to know you, to actually be you."

my beginners video.

so I said I was going to share my video. it is way amateur! haha and uber cheesy... but I am excited to use it as a tool to motivate! so, here you go! :) I will be working on more too!

My body, Biggest Loser, and Exciting changes to be made here

My body tells me nooo! But I won't quit, cause I want more! I want more! ("My Body" by Young the Giant) Have you ever heard this song? It is a great motivator for a workout. It is also a perfect description of what was going on in my life yesterday. So, it wasn't the best of my days. I didn't have a very fulfilling weekend, and I felt frustrated on sunday and it carried over into yesterday too.. I was totally planning on going home after work, having a quick lunch, do a workout, come home and make dinner and clean the kitchen. I got home, ate a sandwich.... aaaand watched the biggest loser for almost 2 hours. Haha... which, totally made me cry! (not the fact that I had sat there for that long, although maybe I should have hahaha!) They had 3 kids on the show who were suffering from childhood obesity. I was a little skeptical at first because I was worried that Jillian was going to be mean, but she was so nice. I guess it struck a chord with me because I was a chubby kid and got made fun of a little bit for it in elementary.

 

Needless to say, after I realized I had been just sitting there watching OTHER people workout and work on their goals, I felt a bit crappy. So I decided to take out my frustrations on a good workout. I went to the stadium and walked/jogged for a good hour and felt much better! Then I came home and made myself some fried eggs cooked with asparagus and feta cheese along with a grapefruit (that tasted like candy, it was sooo good!). I so should have taken a picture to post on my recipe blog, but I didn't...

 

Anyway, so that was my day yesterday! It didn't start out so great, but I put forth the effort to make it better.

 

Something that I am SUPER excited about is that I found this app on my i-pad that I can make VIDEOS!! I just made one, although it is probably pretty amateur lol.. but I will be posting it soon so stay tuned! :)

 

Also, I am considering putting all of my graphic design pictures that I have been posting somewhere so that people can pin them, and use them for motivation. I am not sure how to do it yet, so if you have any ideas LET ME KNOW!

Veggies & New Workout Equipment!

This is the newest addition to our little apartment. We found this on a bulletin board at a local grocery store for $100! It came with 2 45lb, 2 35lb, 2 25lb, 2 10lb, 2 5lb, and 2 2.5lb weights! It also came with the floor mats, and the bars are a good heavy duty metal. Oh and a nice punching bag that we left outside in the rain... I don't know where we would have put that anyways. Our apartment is already full, and the only place we could think of putting it was in the dining room, which we hardly use anyway!

I am super excited about it though because I have always wanted workout stuff at home. So far I have only gotten as far as lifting the bar 5 sets of 10 reps, lol. But the bar is 45 lbs! Who is going to be strong? This girl right here! :)

I love food. So gosh darn much. I am trying to eat my veggies and get more protein in, and this meal was delicious! Salmon, zucchini, and Blood orange strawberry juice! What I wont tell you is what I had for dessert... bahaha... oh jeez. Hey, atleast I admit it! :)

PMS

So, being a girl has its disadvantages. Normally I enjoy being a woman. But when that time rolls around, I literally feel like a different person. This is something that I really need to work through, because too much junk food is consumed. First I get super tired. It takes all my energy just to take a nap. Last week I took hour long naps everyday and fell asleep between 11-midnight. Did I workout? Sure didn't. Then I get emotional. Little things irritate and frustrate me sometimes to tears. Cute little things make me tear up. Then I get cravings for all kinds of snack food (basically anything high in fat, salt, or sugar). I just want to constantly eat. NOT good for weight loss. Then I feel restless! I feel like I need to get out and do things, yet I don't want to go anywhere. Is there a period of time that is more frustrating than this? I seriously doubt it. This is one of my down falls. (I have a lot of downfalls, lol) I am sure that one day, when I have my children I will be grateful that my body has the ability to create them. But for now, it just causes frustration.
So I decided to google PMS and how to reduce the frustration. This is what I found:
1. Improve your diet. (what!? no....I don't wanna!)
2. Exercise. (ok seriously? seriously.)
3. Make sure you get your vitamins. (I think this may be partly the cause for extra tiredness, since your body is using extra nutrients)
4. Get enough sleep. (yay, I did one thing right!)

Those were the most important ones I thought. They had some other like medication, but I just don't really care about medication... But that's a different subject. So, I may have failed this round.. but now I know I will just need to buck up and try even harder! :) Yay for being a girl! Haha

Rewards!

Ok, so I told you I would explain this cute little coloring page!

I just found this on google and loved it! For every 30 minutes of intentional exercise I get to color in a little section. (this is an old picture, don't worry! more spots are colored in!) I also wrote down some reasons why I want to do this.

Then once the picture is all filled with color, I can go reward myself!

Surprisingly, this has kept me more motivated than I thought it would!

A couple of nights ago I had an opportunity to go the a blogger mixer at Down East Basics here in St George. I have honestly never been to one before and felt a bit inadequate because I haven't really tried to branch out much on this blog! But it gave me a lot of great ideas and made me feel more motivated to keep up with it!

We walked around and snapped pictures of things we thought were cute, and tried on some clothes. Speaking of motivation.. if you need some, just go clothes shopping. Lol. Works for me! Anyway, I saw this cute swimsuit there and thought it might be a good reward! I need a new one real bad!

ok so lets talk about rewards here for a second.

why do we really need to reward ourselves? for me, motivation! what are some good rewards?

I learned in my nutrition class (and darn it I still remember!) that you should NEVER reward yourself with food. You'd think that after a good successful eating healthy, hardcore workout day you DESERVE that ice cream right? Can you have it? Sure you can. I like to think that you don't need to deprive yourself of anything, just make sure you stay within your calories goal! :) But why can't it be a reward? Well, it is a little counterproductive. You associate success with food. You don't want to do that. Growing up, I associated (and still do.. grr) food with emotion. Feel sad? Have some chocolate! Stressed out? Eat some ice cream! Bored? Eat potato chips. Had a fantastic day? Eat a cookie! Yeah.

 

So what are some good rewards?

Here are a few ideas: New workout playlist, new nail polish, get a massage, get some jeans, new shoes, jewelry, a trip to the beach, swimsuit, new workout clothes, find a fitness gadget that will help (like FitBit, or a heart rate moniter or step counter, etc), perfume, haircut, new make-up, etc.

 

Other rewards that don't include spending money: have a YOU day doing what you love (reading, writing, laying out outside, painting, biking, etc.), have a manicure party with your girlfriends and make them all bring their favorite nail polish (pamper each other!), make your husband give you a massage :), go on a hike, explore an art gallery in the area, window shop.. they kind of sound like things you could do any day, so try to find new things to do around town for variety! :)

Hiking at Red Cliffs

Something I have been thinking about lately is how being healthy shouldn't be a fleeting moment for a few weeks of your life. Change is hard. It requires discipline and willpower. It requires sacrifice. It requires persistence and courage! Have you ever noticed that? Not just for health and fitness, but life in general. Usually when you strive to become better, it always involves changing your habits. It is always challenging.

BUT that doesn't mean it has to be boring, monotonous, or miserable! I always say if you are not having fun, you are doing something wrong! Do activities you enjoy! Dance, run, bike, hike, box, weight lift, walk, garden, clean, redecorate, do yoga, play outside with your kids, go to the park, window shop (and try not to spend money! haha), swim, ski, snowboard, basketball, soccer, volleyball, wake board, skim board, paint, build something. There are SO many things you can do to become more active. Working out doesn't always have to be a hard core run and a couple hours at the gym.

Since this is a lifestyle change, you need to find things you love to do in order for it to last. This past weekend was my birthday and the weather was a perfect 70 degrees! I wish it could just stay that temperature forever! Something I love to do is hike. I've already mentioned this, but let mention it again. I LOVE nature. There is something about it that rejuvenates me! So we went for a hike out at Red Cliffs in southern Utah. It was beautiful! It is a pretty short and simple hike, which is good but it also has a few little challenges to make you stretch a bit! :)

I left this place feeling so good! If you live in Southern Utah, or visit here there are a lot of trails to go on! Click here for a link of different trails to explore! 

Now go outside and get some fresh air!

new found loves.

Uhm wow. It has been two months since I posted already? Looks like I have been a slacker on my blogging. But here is osme good news! I have spent more time outside exercising, and more time trying to cook healthy! :) So here's the update:

 

My new found love: biking. I always enjoyed spin class, but since the gym is across town now, I went and got my bike and I have been riding 2 times a week. Being outside with the wind in my hair and sunshine on my face has been sooo refreshing! The other day I was out on a bike trail and there was NO ONE else around. And it was a good thing they weren't. Because I sang. On the top of my lungs. It was so liberating! And let me tell you, it made my workout like 30 times more fun!

 

 Another new found activity that I love/hate: stadium stairs and walking/jogging the track. I love it because I KNOW it is working based on the fact that my legs feel like jello when I get to the top. every time. I love getting to the top too because I have a great view of St George. The LDS temple is right down the street, which is a great reminder of the spiritual side of things. My only fear is coming back down because I feel like I might collapse! And I hate it, well because it sucks and it hurts and it is hard.

New found love #3: Bountiful Baskets. I get so much good produce for such a good price. It gives me a variety, and I get excited every saturday to see what I get. My favorites so far: asparagus, purple/yellow tomatoes, strawberries, and pineapple. Not so much: radishes and cabbage.
It has also made us spend less on groceries! The beaskets are $15 for 50/50% fruits and veggies. Sometimes I will get some extra veggie packs or a box of fruit. So good.



As far as results go, I haven't weighed myself in about a month. To be honest, I sorta don't want to. I haven't seen results or maybe I haven't done enough to get any yet but I will say that I have made a bigger effort these past few weeks. Numbers get me discouraged too easily. So instead, atleast here at first I am just going to keep doing what I am doing until it becomes habit. Maybe in another month or two I will check in on my weight.

Something I did start, that has been surprisingly motivating is printing out an adult coloring page. (I'll have to show you the one I chose later, its not on this computer.) But everytime I do a 30 min workout, I can color in a little section! So kid-ish, but hey it makes me want to go workout! When I get it all colored, then I can go reward myself.

One other thing I have started with my family (lots of starting new things here! its good!) is an 8 week WELLNESS challenge with a point system. At first it was just going to be for health/weightloss but then we decided to add in some spiritual things. Each of us who wanted to participate threw in 25 dollars and whoever has the most points at the end of 8 weeks gets the pot of money. It has helped me alot too! Maybe its a little sad that I have to have some sort of reward in order to keep me motivated doing things I should ALREADY be doing, lol but atleast I am doing them now. Even if I don't win, I feel better. I'll give more details on that soon too! :)

me and my husband. :) he makes me happy

So yeah, I feel pretty good about the progress I am making, even if I am not seeing any "physical" changes yet. I sure feel mental and spiritual changes, and it feels so good!