Ugh.
That is exactly how I feel. You know what is super disappointing? When you set all these goals, you feel excited about them, and then you fail. time and time again. Aaaah!
I am not writing this for pity or for anyone to tell me its okay. I just need to vent. I am so tired of not achieving my goals. I have this problem with setting so many goals and setting them so high and firm that when I don't reach them I feel like even more of a failure each time it happens.
I try to take on too many things at once. I thought I understood that it was going to be hard, but I realize now that it is more than just setting a goal and doing it. There are other factors that play in, things that I failed to address or admit as a problem.
I know what I need to do to be healthy, the simple things. Eat healthy, get good sleep, exercise. But there can also be issues locked up inside that need to be dealt with. That is what I don't know how to deal with yet and I feel like I will never truly be successful at this until I come to terms with those problems on the inside.
Pretty sure I am a stress eater. When I feel like I am starting to fall or things are bothering me, I turn to food. It is not a healthy way to deal with my problems, and I need to face them head on. I want to set goals and feel successful but I am not sure I know how to start small. I don't know how to let go of all the high expectations I have set for myself. I am torn between pushing myself hard, not giving myself a break or allowing myself to be something less by setting low goals. But in doing so, I am destroying myself and my confidence. It needs to stop.
I need to find out what my triggers are throughout the day, the emotions I feel and when and what kinds of food I choose to eat at those times. So here is my new plan!
All I am going to focus on is writing what I eat, when, what feelings I had/have and the struggles going on inside. Thats it. No tracking calories, no tracking how many workouts and how long they last, just writing. Also, I am going to start reading about positive ways of dealing with stress.
I know I am going to run into a problem.. that is, I am not used to writing everything down. I barely write in my journal once a month. So how am I going to do this multiple times a day? And what do I need to do if I forget, or just don't do it? Well, I don't know other than just trying again the next time.
