5 Month Motivational Slump

 I thought I'd go over the last 5 months with you. I feel embarrassed because there isn't much progress. I haven't wanted to post because I didn't want to show too much negativity. But this is reality here, and I want to be real with you. I worked out pretty heavily for about 2 months, and although my endurance improved, it seemed like my body was not even responding. I got frustrated. I was bummed. I didn't want to put in so much time, energy, and effort, just to see no improvement in my physical appearance.

This is from June, I think. I had been going pretty strong for about a month at this point. No weight lost whatsoever. 

This was July I believe. I guess my stomach wasn't poking out quite as far, but it was also a different angle.

This is when I got really frustrated and discouraged. Maybe it was just my outfit, but when I saw myself in the pictures from my vacation, I was so disappointed in my effort. It was like none of it mattered. I was mad at myself for letting myself get this far, and also mad that my body wasn't responding to my sudden increase in physical activity.

This is after the vacation, one of the few times I decided to go to the gym. I tried real hard to just keep going. 

This is the most recent workout I did just a few days ago.

Ok, so I know that is just a tiny peek into what the last couple months have been. It has been a whirlwind. Up and down and all over the place. Even though I told myself I was going to take it slow, I still overworked myself. I still tried to force my body to change by lifting heavy weights and running faster and faster. I slipped into wanting immediate results. I don't know for sure that it is bad to push hard. I guess it works for a lot of people. It even used to work for me. Maybe it is my age? Maybe I just didn't give myself enough time and effort? I'm not sure. But I didn't see what I wanted to see. Then the vacation. Then a lack of motivation. Then school started along with a new schedule. Then stress. Then nothing. 

For too long I have let food control me. I've let emotions control me. I've let people control me. I've let guilt control me. I've let doubt and fear control me. It's time for me to control them. No more of this sad, discouraged, depressed, bullshit story I keep telling myself. I deserve more than that. 

I am not giving up. I am not going to quit, because I need to take care of myself. I deserve to be fit and happy and healthy. I deserve to accomplish my goals. So, here's to the journey of moving forward and not looking back. To act, and not be acted upon. I am not going to let my story end here. I am the one who gets to choose my fate! I get to decide who I decides who I am and who I want to be. *fist pump*

Instagram, Progression not Perfection

It has been quite the year since I have last posted! So many wonderful, awful, hard, awesome, and regular everyday things have happened. I would love to say that I lost a whole bunch of weight and feel better than ever, but I haven't and I don't. (At least not physically) But I've learned some things about myself (like how I don't deal with stress well!), and I am trying to get back on track with my health again. 

I decided to go the Instagram route because it is so easy to snap a photo and write a little snippet to keep myself motivated. I have only been doing it for a week, but so far I am loving doing it this way. Here are just a few of the things I've documented so far. 

Me after a workout at the gym. Yep. I've officially become one of "those people" who take selfies of themselves. Mostly I am doing it to track my progress though, so hopefully it doesn't seem like I am just way into myself. ;) Not gonna lie, I feel silly trying to take pictures of myself in public. Oh well though!

I like to find motivational quotes to make me think and to remind myself I've got what it takes!

So, I love food. I figured this would be a great way to document what I eat throughout the day, and it would motivate me to eat more colorful foods because it looks more presentable! I haven't documented everything I eat yet, but it actually has helped some! 

I thought this quote was perfect for my circumstances. It is so important to never give up, even if you get off track like I did for awhile. I love that as long as I am alive there is still an opportunity to try again.

I found an app for my phone called Fitness Buddy, you've probably heard of it, but it is so awesome. You can log in your weight, body measurements, and it will track your progress for those as well as creating your own custom workouts where it can track the weights and reps you do so you can see how you progress there too. So awesome! It's cool because there are so many exercises you can add to it so that you aren't doing the same things every day.

Well, that's pretty much what I am doing! 

Feel free to find & follow me on Instagram! My account name is fit_real_life, and I decided to go for that name because I am trying to be real. I am by no means going to be perfect and I am going to stumble at times still. My philosophy right now is that my life is real, and I have to be real about what I can accomplish. My goal is to be fit, not skinny; healthy, not health-obsessed; progress, not perfection. 

Short Update

Oh hello, it has been a great while since I have last posted here.
I just wanted you all (if anyone is even reading this anymore, lol) to know that I have not given up on my health goals and journey. Things have changed dramatically though and my approach is different. In case you didn't know, I was diagnosed with PCOS last September and have been doing things that you can read about here ever since.

I won't update you on all of that because it is tiring and redundant.. but what I will tell you is that I feel much better now than I did. Knowing why I was gaining weight is comforting, even though it is still frustrating! :) I have tried hard to incorporate more exercise into my routine and I am learning about foods that help with insulin resistance. There is a whole lot of health jazz I could go into, but I will spare you and just tell you to go read my PCOS blog. (I'm nice that way... haha.)

As far as weight goes, I haven't lost any but losing pounds is no longer my goal. It is way too frustrating to track that. Instead I am paying more attention to how I feel as far as energy and attitude and how I am improving in my fitness abilities and food habits. I have definitely seen an improvement on my energy as I have incorporated exercise and my PCOS vitamin supplements. Food is continuing to be a struggle, but I do think I have gotten a better handle on my cravings. Some weeks and days are better or worse than others.

Yep, that is pretty much it right now. Sorry it has been so long!

Beauty in the present.

I wish I was as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat.

But really though...

I've been feeling really nostalgic lately. I've been going through some old pictures, and I've discovered something. I was a pretty girl! Back then, I didn't recognize it. I took myself so much for granted and worried about things that I really shouldn't have. I was awesome just the way I was! It got me thinking though. I realized I missed my old self. Why? Is that weird? I think it is because the past few years I have been on a quest to beautify myself and in doing so I have worn myself out and forgotten what makes me so awesome. Which is ironic because I am also chubbier than I ever have been, haha!

Anyways, so I have some beef with the health industry. Or rather the industry that is capitalizing on women's vulnerabilities to the way our society thinks they should look. Seriously, think about all of the products, services, and businesses who are totally capitalizing on it. Every new diet pill that comes out promising to drop the pounds, the millions of diet books, expensive gym memberships, weightloss camps and tv shows, boob jobs, tattooed makeup, spas, (people might gripe about me saying this..) but people like Dr Oz who is always coming out with one more amazing superfood you need to go get, and even some of the more expensive "organic" food you need to buy. 

You need to be thin, no you need curves, but you look better with rock hard abs, and you need huge boobs, but get rid of your butt, no wait it's too flat, your calves look funny and so does your nose, you have too much hair, and you can't show your gray hair, get rid of your stretch marks. Eat eggs, no don't eat eggs. Don't drink milk, wait just drink goat milk or coconut milk. Wheat makes you bloated, and eat low fat foods but you still need good fats. Ok seriously, why does it have to be soooo complicated?!?! No wonder we keep losing and gaining the same 20-30 lbs!!

We have become obsessed. Too many beautiful women a falling prey to conflicting advertising, believing that beauty is just one weightloss pill away. Too many beautiful women are hurting inside because of these high expectations. I have fallen prey to it too. We need to stop. I think we are stressing ourselves out way too much over something that is really actually pretty simple. 

Be active, do things that make you feel good. Have fun and eat your veggies and eat your cake too. More importantly, love who you are right now. Don't take yourself for granted.

 

and just as a side note, I do not mean to condemn any woman who has done any of the above things and you don't need to feel bad about it. If any of those things makes you happy, then do them and who cares what I or anyone else thinks! :)

Emotional Eating: Empathy

I have been thinking a lot about emotional eating lately, and it is something I really want to work through. So you may see a few posts here and there about it.

I have always felt like maybe I had an emotional eating problem but I didn't know how to put my finger on it. Plus, yes I do love food... and I enjoy eating it at almost anytime of the day. It is part of what is holding me back from seeing weight loss results. What I haven't ever considered is the fact that I am deeply effected (affected? I can't ever remember which is which.. lol) by not just my emotions from internal/external causes that involve me, but also with OTHER peoples emotions that don't involve me. Aka, empathy. I don't want to see other people get their feelings hurt, and so I try to avoid any potential situation that could possibly go wrong. I am taking someone's emotions, and making them MY emotions. Talk about massive emotional roller coaster wreck!!

In my mind, I want everything to be great and wonderful and happy. Everyone should just get along, treat each other kindly, and enjoy the moments we have with each other. But no, life just isn't that way is it? We all have our own opinions and pet peeves and weaknesses and insecurities that when combined cause drama. I realized today that I have learned to isolate myself from people because of that trait. It scares me to be around a potential blow-up session. I feel too much. Therefore it is just easier to just not let my emotions connect with very many people. Especially with people who have strong personalities, strong opinions, and aren't afraid of being strong even at other people's emotions expense. (Which is kind of ironic, because my husband has a pretty strong personality!) If I am not emotionally attached, then I don't have to feel the hurt that they feel. Then on top of that, I have replaced those people with food. Food is good, food is comforting. Food isn't mean, it is nice. Food is my friend. Haha, it sounds super weird to say that..!

I think women tend to be extra sensitive and we all learn to cope with it in different ways. Some like me, tend to isolate myself from too many relationships so that I don't have to feel. Others tend to attract others to them, becoming almost like therapists or counselors. Others shut down and develop strong personalities that only allow other people in on their own schedules and timing. But all of us deep down are rooted with the same character trait of empathy. Interesting! Same goes for men who are extra sensitive.

It is kind of empowering to realize that my empathetic nature is a strength, not a weakness. I always just thought I was extra sensitive and even weak for being that way. I have turned a positive trait, one that should be used to build others up into a weakness and a burden.

In the book called "Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much," Colette Brown-Reid notes that some of the most obese people in our country are those who care: Nurses, church volunteers, teachers, full-time mothers and grandmothers, etc. She then says, "Could it be that these women are taking on the weight of their overburdened communities?" I know you've heard the phrase "taking on the weight of the world" before! Then she says this, which I LOVE!

"What if, instead of beating yourself up for being overweight, you appreciated your kindness, sensitivity, compassion and generosity?
What if you made a commitment to show yourself and your body the love you show to others?
What if you came out of isolation and allowed yourself to feel?
What if you stepped back from your emotions and your persistent inner critic, and instead told yourself, You are a treasure. I am so honored to know you, to actually be you."

my beginners video.

so I said I was going to share my video. it is way amateur! haha and uber cheesy... but I am excited to use it as a tool to motivate! so, here you go! :) I will be working on more too!

My body, Biggest Loser, and Exciting changes to be made here

My body tells me nooo! But I won't quit, cause I want more! I want more! ("My Body" by Young the Giant) Have you ever heard this song? It is a great motivator for a workout. It is also a perfect description of what was going on in my life yesterday. So, it wasn't the best of my days. I didn't have a very fulfilling weekend, and I felt frustrated on sunday and it carried over into yesterday too.. I was totally planning on going home after work, having a quick lunch, do a workout, come home and make dinner and clean the kitchen. I got home, ate a sandwich.... aaaand watched the biggest loser for almost 2 hours. Haha... which, totally made me cry! (not the fact that I had sat there for that long, although maybe I should have hahaha!) They had 3 kids on the show who were suffering from childhood obesity. I was a little skeptical at first because I was worried that Jillian was going to be mean, but she was so nice. I guess it struck a chord with me because I was a chubby kid and got made fun of a little bit for it in elementary.

 

Needless to say, after I realized I had been just sitting there watching OTHER people workout and work on their goals, I felt a bit crappy. So I decided to take out my frustrations on a good workout. I went to the stadium and walked/jogged for a good hour and felt much better! Then I came home and made myself some fried eggs cooked with asparagus and feta cheese along with a grapefruit (that tasted like candy, it was sooo good!). I so should have taken a picture to post on my recipe blog, but I didn't...

 

Anyway, so that was my day yesterday! It didn't start out so great, but I put forth the effort to make it better.

 

Something that I am SUPER excited about is that I found this app on my i-pad that I can make VIDEOS!! I just made one, although it is probably pretty amateur lol.. but I will be posting it soon so stay tuned! :)

 

Also, I am considering putting all of my graphic design pictures that I have been posting somewhere so that people can pin them, and use them for motivation. I am not sure how to do it yet, so if you have any ideas LET ME KNOW!

Veggies & New Workout Equipment!

This is the newest addition to our little apartment. We found this on a bulletin board at a local grocery store for $100! It came with 2 45lb, 2 35lb, 2 25lb, 2 10lb, 2 5lb, and 2 2.5lb weights! It also came with the floor mats, and the bars are a good heavy duty metal. Oh and a nice punching bag that we left outside in the rain... I don't know where we would have put that anyways. Our apartment is already full, and the only place we could think of putting it was in the dining room, which we hardly use anyway!

I am super excited about it though because I have always wanted workout stuff at home. So far I have only gotten as far as lifting the bar 5 sets of 10 reps, lol. But the bar is 45 lbs! Who is going to be strong? This girl right here! :)

I love food. So gosh darn much. I am trying to eat my veggies and get more protein in, and this meal was delicious! Salmon, zucchini, and Blood orange strawberry juice! What I wont tell you is what I had for dessert... bahaha... oh jeez. Hey, atleast I admit it! :)

PMS

So, being a girl has its disadvantages. Normally I enjoy being a woman. But when that time rolls around, I literally feel like a different person. This is something that I really need to work through, because too much junk food is consumed. First I get super tired. It takes all my energy just to take a nap. Last week I took hour long naps everyday and fell asleep between 11-midnight. Did I workout? Sure didn't. Then I get emotional. Little things irritate and frustrate me sometimes to tears. Cute little things make me tear up. Then I get cravings for all kinds of snack food (basically anything high in fat, salt, or sugar). I just want to constantly eat. NOT good for weight loss. Then I feel restless! I feel like I need to get out and do things, yet I don't want to go anywhere. Is there a period of time that is more frustrating than this? I seriously doubt it. This is one of my down falls. (I have a lot of downfalls, lol) I am sure that one day, when I have my children I will be grateful that my body has the ability to create them. But for now, it just causes frustration.
So I decided to google PMS and how to reduce the frustration. This is what I found:
1. Improve your diet. (what!? no....I don't wanna!)
2. Exercise. (ok seriously? seriously.)
3. Make sure you get your vitamins. (I think this may be partly the cause for extra tiredness, since your body is using extra nutrients)
4. Get enough sleep. (yay, I did one thing right!)

Those were the most important ones I thought. They had some other like medication, but I just don't really care about medication... But that's a different subject. So, I may have failed this round.. but now I know I will just need to buck up and try even harder! :) Yay for being a girl! Haha

Rewards!

Ok, so I told you I would explain this cute little coloring page!

I just found this on google and loved it! For every 30 minutes of intentional exercise I get to color in a little section. (this is an old picture, don't worry! more spots are colored in!) I also wrote down some reasons why I want to do this.

Then once the picture is all filled with color, I can go reward myself!

Surprisingly, this has kept me more motivated than I thought it would!

A couple of nights ago I had an opportunity to go the a blogger mixer at Down East Basics here in St George. I have honestly never been to one before and felt a bit inadequate because I haven't really tried to branch out much on this blog! But it gave me a lot of great ideas and made me feel more motivated to keep up with it!

We walked around and snapped pictures of things we thought were cute, and tried on some clothes. Speaking of motivation.. if you need some, just go clothes shopping. Lol. Works for me! Anyway, I saw this cute swimsuit there and thought it might be a good reward! I need a new one real bad!

ok so lets talk about rewards here for a second.

why do we really need to reward ourselves? for me, motivation! what are some good rewards?

I learned in my nutrition class (and darn it I still remember!) that you should NEVER reward yourself with food. You'd think that after a good successful eating healthy, hardcore workout day you DESERVE that ice cream right? Can you have it? Sure you can. I like to think that you don't need to deprive yourself of anything, just make sure you stay within your calories goal! :) But why can't it be a reward? Well, it is a little counterproductive. You associate success with food. You don't want to do that. Growing up, I associated (and still do.. grr) food with emotion. Feel sad? Have some chocolate! Stressed out? Eat some ice cream! Bored? Eat potato chips. Had a fantastic day? Eat a cookie! Yeah.

 

So what are some good rewards?

Here are a few ideas: New workout playlist, new nail polish, get a massage, get some jeans, new shoes, jewelry, a trip to the beach, swimsuit, new workout clothes, find a fitness gadget that will help (like FitBit, or a heart rate moniter or step counter, etc), perfume, haircut, new make-up, etc.

 

Other rewards that don't include spending money: have a YOU day doing what you love (reading, writing, laying out outside, painting, biking, etc.), have a manicure party with your girlfriends and make them all bring their favorite nail polish (pamper each other!), make your husband give you a massage :), go on a hike, explore an art gallery in the area, window shop.. they kind of sound like things you could do any day, so try to find new things to do around town for variety! :)

Hiking at Red Cliffs

Something I have been thinking about lately is how being healthy shouldn't be a fleeting moment for a few weeks of your life. Change is hard. It requires discipline and willpower. It requires sacrifice. It requires persistence and courage! Have you ever noticed that? Not just for health and fitness, but life in general. Usually when you strive to become better, it always involves changing your habits. It is always challenging.

BUT that doesn't mean it has to be boring, monotonous, or miserable! I always say if you are not having fun, you are doing something wrong! Do activities you enjoy! Dance, run, bike, hike, box, weight lift, walk, garden, clean, redecorate, do yoga, play outside with your kids, go to the park, window shop (and try not to spend money! haha), swim, ski, snowboard, basketball, soccer, volleyball, wake board, skim board, paint, build something. There are SO many things you can do to become more active. Working out doesn't always have to be a hard core run and a couple hours at the gym.

Since this is a lifestyle change, you need to find things you love to do in order for it to last. This past weekend was my birthday and the weather was a perfect 70 degrees! I wish it could just stay that temperature forever! Something I love to do is hike. I've already mentioned this, but let mention it again. I LOVE nature. There is something about it that rejuvenates me! So we went for a hike out at Red Cliffs in southern Utah. It was beautiful! It is a pretty short and simple hike, which is good but it also has a few little challenges to make you stretch a bit! :)

I left this place feeling so good! If you live in Southern Utah, or visit here there are a lot of trails to go on! Click here for a link of different trails to explore! 

Now go outside and get some fresh air!

new found loves.

Uhm wow. It has been two months since I posted already? Looks like I have been a slacker on my blogging. But here is osme good news! I have spent more time outside exercising, and more time trying to cook healthy! :) So here's the update:

 

My new found love: biking. I always enjoyed spin class, but since the gym is across town now, I went and got my bike and I have been riding 2 times a week. Being outside with the wind in my hair and sunshine on my face has been sooo refreshing! The other day I was out on a bike trail and there was NO ONE else around. And it was a good thing they weren't. Because I sang. On the top of my lungs. It was so liberating! And let me tell you, it made my workout like 30 times more fun!

 

 Another new found activity that I love/hate: stadium stairs and walking/jogging the track. I love it because I KNOW it is working based on the fact that my legs feel like jello when I get to the top. every time. I love getting to the top too because I have a great view of St George. The LDS temple is right down the street, which is a great reminder of the spiritual side of things. My only fear is coming back down because I feel like I might collapse! And I hate it, well because it sucks and it hurts and it is hard.

New found love #3: Bountiful Baskets. I get so much good produce for such a good price. It gives me a variety, and I get excited every saturday to see what I get. My favorites so far: asparagus, purple/yellow tomatoes, strawberries, and pineapple. Not so much: radishes and cabbage.
It has also made us spend less on groceries! The beaskets are $15 for 50/50% fruits and veggies. Sometimes I will get some extra veggie packs or a box of fruit. So good.



As far as results go, I haven't weighed myself in about a month. To be honest, I sorta don't want to. I haven't seen results or maybe I haven't done enough to get any yet but I will say that I have made a bigger effort these past few weeks. Numbers get me discouraged too easily. So instead, atleast here at first I am just going to keep doing what I am doing until it becomes habit. Maybe in another month or two I will check in on my weight.

Something I did start, that has been surprisingly motivating is printing out an adult coloring page. (I'll have to show you the one I chose later, its not on this computer.) But everytime I do a 30 min workout, I can color in a little section! So kid-ish, but hey it makes me want to go workout! When I get it all colored, then I can go reward myself.

One other thing I have started with my family (lots of starting new things here! its good!) is an 8 week WELLNESS challenge with a point system. At first it was just going to be for health/weightloss but then we decided to add in some spiritual things. Each of us who wanted to participate threw in 25 dollars and whoever has the most points at the end of 8 weeks gets the pot of money. It has helped me alot too! Maybe its a little sad that I have to have some sort of reward in order to keep me motivated doing things I should ALREADY be doing, lol but atleast I am doing them now. Even if I don't win, I feel better. I'll give more details on that soon too! :)

me and my husband. :) he makes me happy

So yeah, I feel pretty good about the progress I am making, even if I am not seeing any "physical" changes yet. I sure feel mental and spiritual changes, and it feels so good!

brainstorm

I am super excited for this time of the year!! I love the fresh start feeling that comes with New Years. I have already written out my resolutions, which I am also super excited about! :) I want this new year to be a good one! My awesome husband got me a crap load of art supplies. Which, believe it or not, I think will help me in my weight loss goals! I haven't painted in such a long time and I am so excited to have something new to occupy my time.

I want to go into more detail of what I want to accomplish as far as fitness goals go, and I am just brainstorming ideas of how to accomplish this. I've tried a lot of things, and by tried I probably just mean I made a plan and didn't stick to it. I think you could make weight loss work if you just stuck with it. So, I have got to make it stick this time!

Ok, so here are some ideas that have crossed my mind of what I want to do:
No eating after 7 pm. Only water!
Juice once a day. (to get those nutrients and veggies and fruit, and use the pulp to make muffins and stuff!)
I think a huge part of my success is going to depend on portion control, so I must measure and track everything I eat!
Obviously exercise/being more active will be a part of all this and these are the ideas I have about that: at least walk for 30 min a day, do fitness classes at the gym (as long as they are free!), run, do stairs, bike, hike, spin class!, strength, paint, keep the house clean, yoga?

man, I totally just had one of those nostalgic feelings. I remembered how I felt at the gym, lifting weights and running and spin class, getting all sweaty and then walking outside in the cold and feeling so good. I miss that feeling so much. and how it felt to have jeans that were loose. that is why I want to do it again!

mostly I just want to do new things this year. I really don't want to look back and wish I had done more things. what I am afraid of is letting myself down again. which really is pretty silly because I am in charge of my decisions, so you'd think that I would choose to do the things I want to do! the problem is I have had many days that I just don't want to do anything but sit at home. it is those days that I really need to work on. it is okay to have them once in awhile, but I definitely had more than I should have.

anyways, I tend to ramble a lot but it helps me work through my thoughts and motivates me to do better. I'm really doing this blog for myself and I don't really care if anyone reads this or if you think I have issues. ;) this is for me and if it in anyway benefits someone else then great!

gosh, I am so ready for a change!

Moving Forward.

We are all searching for happiness. We think we can find it if we lose weight, if we get a better job, when the house is paid off, you get the idea. I realize that too much of my happiness has been based off of "things" this past year. Things that I haven't done, things I regret doing, etc. Truth is, we first have to love and accept who we are. If we don't like who we are, we need to take a hard look at ourselves and find some things that we can do differently and also look at the things that we may not be able to change and learn to love them.
This has been such a hard process for me because when I look at all the things I am not doing, I get discouraged and start feeling inadequate and depressed. But without looking for things to do differently, I will continue living like I always have. I think happiness really comes when we make an effort and we accept it as an effort that is good enough for now. Improvement comes with time.

Last year I didn't make any real resolutions. I tried to say my resolution was just to be better, which is very very vague. I think I was just lazy and also thought to myself that I usually forget what my resolutions are a month into the new year anyway, so why do it? I think I also felt discouraged about the economy and the future, and I think i just really had a hard time.

Well, not that I hated 2012 or anything... but it just wasn't the greatest year ever. So, this time I WILL do some resolutions and this time I WILL have the greatest year ever.
I want my life to be happy and its not going to happen if I sit on the couch watching netflix. Maybe I let myself give up a little last year, but I haven't really given up, and I refuse to. So, I'm back.There are so many things I want to do!!

Therefore, here are some things I am looking forward to doing in 2013!
1. Use my gym pass. I bought it and I have only gone a handful of times.. not anymore!! Working out feels so good, and is such a great way to take a load off my shoulders.
2. Go on a hike/bike ride/something outside away from home once a month!
3. Go visit Brooke and the family in Washington for spring break!
4. Spend more time with family playing games, making crafts, whatever.
5. Have more quality time with my husband, doing things he loves. Watching movies, playing video games and regular games, etc
6. Go to the temple once a month. I need this sacred time more than ever!
7. Become more involved in our ward. I love it so much already and I barely know anyone!
8. Cook healthier meals. I love food, too much. But I need to learn to cook healthier in order to lose weight like I want.
9. Lose 65 lbs. Yes. This year. Must.
10. Volunteer somewhere. I will need to research what is out there, but I feel like I need to reach out to others somehow.
11. Journal. I will write in my journal about my progress as a constant reminder of my goals.
12. Picture a day. My friend Laura started this and I think it is a brilliant idea. Take a picture a day! It will be a great motivator for me to do more and also a great way to paint a picture of the year.
13. Paint/draw/anything artsy! My visually creative mind has not had an outlet for a couple of years, and its time to get it back out again! Possibly even sell some of the things I make? That would be cool!
14. Start trying to have kids. (This will be more toward the end of the year since my goal is to have healthier habits before I decide to take care of a mini me!) I will also need to talk to cody about this one.
15. More sex. Yeah, I am putting it out there! Plus it will increase the odds of the above happening. Plus cody will like it. :) hehe
16. Grow a garden! I am not sure where yet, but I LOVE homegrown veggies and fruit. Plus it will save us some money.
17. Spend less money on random things, especially eating out. I am not sure how to do this yet, because I like shopping. so much. but, its not good for our bank account. And on top of this, do more to get out of debt.
18. Make some things from piterest. I have so many pins, and haven't done any of them.

Some of these are pretty general, and I will need to break it down a little, especially losing 65 lbs.. haha. I love doing things like this, even if I don't fully reach every single one because it makes me feel good about the future and what I can accomplish if I just set my mind to it.

More to come. :)

Choose your hard

So, I don't always exercise, but when I do something good usually comes of it. Well to be honest, as of late I hardly EVER exercise... haha. I'm trying to change that though. I decided to go for a walk today, and it was so beautiful outside! It probably turned into more of a photo shoot than a workout, but hey! I love the fall sooooo much, I wish the weather and the colors could just stay forever. I just took it from an ipod touch, so the quality isn't the greatest.. I think I need a nicer camera. Anywho, here are some pics!

I really do love the outdoors! I don't spend nearly enough time out there, and I don't even know why. It is definitely something I want to change.
Today I was looking for some motivational quotes to get me going again, and I found one that hit home for me. "Eating healthy is hard, exercising is hard, and staying healthy is hard. But being unhealthy and overweight is also hard. Choose your hard." Uhm, wow! I hadn't ever really thought of it that way before. I often complain about trying to lose weight and get healthy, and how I hate how long it takes, how sucky it is to limit sugar, etc. But I also complain about how crappy I feel in my skin right now. Either way I go, its going to be hard! So I may as well choose the healthier road, so that at least my body is being taken care of!

I think getting healthy and fit is more than making a plan, or scheduling out your month's workouts and limiting yourself to kale and lemon water. (although it is important to eat right and exercise, and it does help to have a plan!) I think it is just making better choices each day and doing simple things like going for walks or playing ball with your kids in the park. It's getting enough sleep, going for bike rides, finding healthier substitutes in your meals.

We can't expect ourselves to withdraw completely from life, and the good things that come with it and become obsessive about what you eat and how many hours you spend at the gym everyday. (Maybe for some of you it works, I guess, but definitely not for me!) It is a mental thing too! You have to find joy in what you are doing or the motivation is not going to last. So, it is a hard road. There are frustrations, let downs, splurge days, and laziness that get in the way of success and make things hard. But if we can't find joy in the journey, we need to change our efforts and attitude. And by we, I mostly mean I! 

Color Me Rad

I am sooo excited! I just signed up for my second race that I have ever done in my life. The first one was a 4.01k race for my bank several years ago. It was fun, but THIS one will be even better! 
Have you seen the pictures where all these people have explosions of colored powder all over themselves and wondered what sort of event this is? Well, this is one of them! It is a race where you get to throw colored corn starch all over each other! So fun! I will be doing it with my sister and her husband as well as my aunt Julie and whoever else decided to sign up for it. 

It is only a 5k, so I don't think it will kill me or anything! ;) 

November 10, 2012

10 am @ the old St George Airport. 

Helloooo...

Today is a particularly good day. I feel good! Not because I have lost any lbs or reached a major milestone, just simply because I do! I am sure keeping track of my calories and doing some strength training had something to do with it!

I LOVE a good workout. For some reason it seems so difficult to get out there, but once I do and I'm done, I feel so much better about myself! Well, I don't have much to say for now, other than here is the ab workout I did. Pretty sure I should have some sore abs tomorrow!! :) Something I am actually very excited about.

Conquering the Monsters: #1 = Sugar

I love this. It is actually a shirt. The cookie monster binge!
shirt can be found at shirt.woot.com

I do love chocolate, and cookies, and ice cream, and brownies.. but I love them a little too much! I have come to realize I have a serious sweet tooth that needs to be tamed! I tend to turn to sweets when I am extra stressed or bored or happy or sad.. basically whenever I want. Its not a good thing! My husband tells me all the time I am going to get diabetes if I keep eating sugar like I do. Even though I never tell him he's right, sometimes I really am scared that he is! So here's the thing. I am going to try to tame it. Yeah. Good luck!
When you grow up with sweets all around (I still love you mom and sisters!!) it is hard to say no. But the fact is, I don't want to end up with diabetes. It is also not contributing to my weight loss much!
So week one of getting this sugar monster conquered, I am going to track every little sweet thing I eat this week. I won't be doing that here, however. It will be on sparkpeople.com. (This is a fantastic website if you ever wanted to start keeping track of your progress, and it is 100% FREE!)
You can however look at what I am eating here:http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=%2ACRYSTALICIOUS%2A&dte=9%2F5%2F2012

Scary! I doubt many of you would seriously want to study what I am eating, but if you want to, feel free. And tell me if you see patterns or have any suggestions... with that said. Just be nice about it.. hahaha! ;)

My hope is that I can turn this sugar/cookie/sweets monster into a healthy one! I love that there is still a cookie in this picture. :) Which also means, that yes, I am not giving them up entirely! I think it is still perfectly okay to have something sweet now and then. At least for now!

It's time!

I have been soooooooooooo inconsistent with my health in the last 3 months. I weighed myself today and guess what. I've gained yet ANOTHER 10 lbs. This sucks. I'm done. It is time for me to change. I don't have any excuses. It is starting to cool down, I have a set work schedule (now with plenty of time to exercise!), this is my health and my happiness, and I can't let myself keep going in this direction. I know I have said that before, but sometimes it takes a punch in the heart to get going.
Enough talk. It's time to move!

Coming to terms

Ugh.
That is exactly how I feel. You know what is super disappointing? When you set all these goals, you feel excited about them, and then you fail. time and time again. Aaaah!
I am not writing this for pity or for anyone to tell me its okay. I just need to vent. I am so tired of not achieving my goals. I have this problem with setting so many goals and setting them so high and firm that when I don't reach them I feel like even more of a failure each time it happens.
I try to take on too many things at once. I thought I understood that it was going to be hard, but I realize now that it is more than just setting a goal and doing it. There are other factors that play in, things that I failed to address or admit as a problem.
I know what I need to do to be healthy, the simple things. Eat healthy, get good sleep, exercise. But there can also be issues locked up inside that need to be dealt with. That is what I don't know how to deal with yet and I feel like I will never truly be successful at this until I come to terms with those problems on the inside.
Pretty sure I am a stress eater. When I feel like I am starting to fall or things are bothering me, I turn to food. It is not a healthy way to deal with my problems, and I need to face them head on. I want to set goals and feel successful but I am not sure I know how to start small. I don't know how to let go of all the high expectations I have set for myself. I am torn between pushing myself hard, not giving myself a break or allowing myself to be something less by setting low goals. But in doing so, I am destroying myself and my confidence. It needs to stop.
I need to find out what my triggers are throughout the day, the emotions I feel and when and what kinds of food I choose to eat at those times. So here is my new plan!

All I am going to focus on is writing what I eat, when, what feelings I had/have and the struggles going on inside. Thats it. No tracking calories, no tracking how many workouts and how long they last, just writing. Also, I am going to start reading about positive ways of dealing with stress.

I know I am going to run into a problem.. that is, I am not used to writing everything down. I barely write in my journal once a month. So how am I going to do this multiple times a day? And what do I need to do if I forget, or just don't do it? Well, I don't know other than just trying again the next time.